Don't Be A Stupid B Movie Character...

There's a moment in every scary movie, especially B movies, where the hapless victim heads straight for danger. Ignoring the tell-tale signs like long, dark hallways, creaking doors, and missing friends the character is drawn to her demise like a fly to ointment. Meanwhile the audience, who've had the benefit of watching this play out in exact sequence before, are screaming at the screen, holding their breath and bracing themselves for the inevitable. I hate scary movies.

As summer started and the kids got out of school, I decided to plunge myself headlong into the Old Testament. For legal reasons I started in Deuteronomy and began working my way through in big chunks of ten to twelve chapters at a time. It's an awesome read. True tales of God's faithfulness, love, and power toward His people - and their faith and love for Him. Simply beautiful. However, it does also include elements of a scary B movie - like stupid characters and frightening redundancy.

The book of Deuteronomy reminded me of the "If/Then" chart we used to make for my autistic son. If you finish your math work, then you can go on the playground. God used this same principle with His kids. If you obey these commands, then you will be blessed. If you do not, then you will be cursed. Not too difficult to understand. Of course, I've read the Bible before, so I knew that most of the time the people chose option 2. It would be good news through the book of Joshua and after that I'd have to begin bracing myself.

It began to unravel in the book of Judges, the tagline of which could be, "and once again Israel sinned against God." Like sheep (which btw are not known for their intelligence) the people reverted to idolatry on every other page. It was only under the leadership of a righteous judge that they remained loyal to God and prospered. The highlight of Judges is Deborah - who was the first female leader, and arguable Commander in Chief - of Israel. She was also a prophet and was awesome! Under her leadership the people were faithful, but when she died they reverted to idolatry again and suffered. The horror stories in Judges are among the most tragic in the Bible because without godly leadership every one did what was right in their own eyes. Not surprisingly, it didn't work out so well.

Reading Ruth and the Samuels make for a nice reprieve from the pain of Judges, however I'm forced to begin bracing myself again when I arrive at Kings and Chronicles. At this point stupidity and frightening redundancy are at their peak as most of the Kings of Israel/Judah are idolatrous and disobedient. Peppered among them are good Kings which lighten the burden for the reader.

The disobedient Kings cast idols of false gods for whom to worship and burn incense. This angers God, Who then allows them to be routed by their enemies and to suffer some of the various punishments highlighted on the "If/Then" chart in Deuteronomy.

Occassionally a King will humble himself and God will relent, but more often than not they continue in rebellion. One King does not seem able to learn from the others. Like lemmings, or scary B movie characters, they hurl themselves headlong off the same cliff to suffer the same fate.

When I reached 2 Chronicles 25 I was fully immersed in the saga. Amaziah was beginning his reign and "he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord..." (v2, NIV). I was looking forward to a happy ending thinking Amaziah was one of the few winners. He started off strong. He followed God and obeyed God's Word. He was drawn into war and followed God's instructions to the letter, winning a stunning victory at God's hand. One might expect him to be grateful and praise God. But here is where the long dark hallway and creaky door come into view. Instead of worshipping and thanking God for delivering him, Amaziah takes the idols of the people he just sacked, sets them up and worships them! My heart began pounding as I read this and I found myself shouting out loud at the Bible, "No, don't do it, don't do it!"

My outburst startled my husband who temporarily paused the iPhone game he was playing to make sure I was okay. I was forced to explain to him, amid his stunned looks, that I had seen this play out with the dozen or so kings who'd gone before him and I knew what was lurking behind that door. My useless screams were only echoes of the prophet God sent to Amaziah to rebuke him. But Amaziah, in true B movie fashion, ignores the advice and suffers destruction.

Hubby returned to his game and I snapped the Bible closed in frustration and began to mentally pace the room in search of answers. The stories of the Bible are written as examples to us, revealing the human condition. Thus Amaziah is a reflection of the possibilities of every human heart. So, putting myself in that frame of mind I'm forced to ask tough questions like: What is so challenging about remaining loyal to God and His Word? It doesn't seem like rocket science, yet most stray (Biblically speaking). Are we all suffering from spiritual ADHD? Can we not focus? Are we like Dory in finding Nemo; distracted by everything that swims our way, and suffering from short term memory loss? Or is something more sinister at work in us?

I concluded that it could be any or all of the above. Mental gymnastics would not solve the problem. I decided to heed the advice of Watchman Nee and not become too introspective. Instead of trying to determine what might motivate the stupid B movie character to follow the same path her dead friends took, I opted for a simpler solution: Don't let curiousity lure you down the long, dark hallway to investigate what might be lurking behind that old, creaky door. You 've already been told what's waiting there; the curse, the thief, the liar, the murderer. Don't be a stupid B movie character. Stay safe in loyalty to God and His Word. It may make for less drama, but it also makes for a better eternal life.